Simple Gas

Well I need to get ready to go swimming but I wanted to post something first. Why is it I find it difficult to go one day without having horrid confrontations with my significant other?
Always issues we have. I do love him now, I am jus not sure what to do. He is always paranoid and grumpy as of late. I can't do much to get him to chill either. He is always super tense and stress. OF course lets not look at the fact that Im the one with the job and the stress of supporting the animals(which i know i brought upon myself)but i desperately wish that since he is staying with me he would help beside being somewhat maid like and angry all the time.

He is always assuming i am talking to "my boyfriend" and such, what the hell is that shit about hmm? why would i have a fucking boyfriend. I made a mistake with tim which is not going to happen again. I wish he could trust me I really do. Damn this is frustrating and it seems like this is the shit I always talk about. It's amazing how you can say things online that you could never say in person. I find it so hard to verbally get my thoughts out, at least correctly, but here it's like I have all the time to figure out what the fuck is wrong. I can see how people say this shit is therapeutic. I jus hope none of my family or irl friends find this. I don't want to worry about people bombarding me with questions about whats wrong and shit. I'll figure it out myself, I did that when I had an actual therapist and I will continue to try to fix my own fucked up problems.

When I was thirteen I used to desperately hope for amnesia. I wanted to get away from the fact that love is fake and friends lie and people are killed and tortured every fucking day because no one can cherish a God damn thing anymore. I want to inform. I want to stop this madness of killing and hurting and hold them all. Shh shh babies sleep silent. With machine guns and bombs going off in your dreams. We cannot escape this war torn world and few lucky will leave with a clean conscious. The lucky are the children who die young and are not perverted and left stained by this dirty dog eat dog world.

Why are people so fucking idiotic? Why do people think that because you work at a fucking restaurant you are below them? What kind of semi intelligent person would even think this? Yet constantly wealthy people come in and talk to me like a child and refuse to look me in the eye or even say hi as i greet them at the door. At work I am very polite and as nice as I can manage, which is pretty fuckin good for someone as cynical as me. Yet people look at the ground or carefully avoid my eyes. Some dont even respond and then later come up to me for a table after ignoring the shit out of me when you know they fuckin heard you. What do I do in these situations? NIne times out of ten I turn around and pretend I dont notice them until THESE bitches get MY attention. Just to see if they like it. Honestly, how do you jus blatantly ignore a HUMAN BEING. YES rich people out there, hostesses and waiters ARE people just LIKE YOU. Surprise fucking surprise.

I wish to one day rise above all the shit thats been put in front of me and do something really fucking great, even if its jus fuckin graduating from a university, though my hope is that it ill be a medical university. Then as I stand over ex patients to put them to sleep they will wonder if theyll ever wake up from surgery. Most of them won't.