Fuckity Shittity

I am sitting here typing without really feeling it, want to listen to music but alas, no headphones. I feel like there is something at my fingertips tha I need to let out but I am not quite sure how to do this other than jus begin to write and see where it goes from there. I love feeling words come together with the click of a button and see words forming, it is odd. I feel odd liking it. I like to be able to see my errors and fix them instantly, and then having the program tha alarms me if I am not aware. Then ignoring these things and typing how I speak. Yet I have no emotion and feel pretty fucking numb.

Why do I feel like I am a strange person? I don't get it.

Fuck, what do I need to do? Decisions, decisions...fuck.

Stereotypical depression is bullshit. I hate fucking Mudvayne so much. SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU WHINY LITTLE BITCH! Ugh, I don't know. I jus wanna punch someone out and do some fucking damage to myself again and again and again. I want to fucking jump off the walls and land somewhere hard. I want to knock shit down and smoke a fucking cigarette. I wanna listen to anything and not hear someone bitch.

Why is it so fucking hard to sit there and listen to someone elses music? I hate it when people cannot sit and listen to someone elses shit and shut the fuck up and respect no matter what it is, because whatever it is it means something to tha person. Everyone makes fun of shit which is why I have gotten to the point where I force myself to try to like anything. I will not blatantly sit there and mock your shit unless it is clearly downright bullshit.

I don't fuckin know I hate trying to type in my fucking blog and have my boyfriend stare at me, wondering if I am speaking to people and glarin like a motherfucker. Bangin shit around cause he is pissed. I don't know. I jus wanna fuckin punch something. Don't wanna even check my mail cause a this dude. Shite.

I am a fucking pussy.

Queen of the Damned

The movie had some okay parts but the best thing was the music;

Walking, waiting
Alone without a care
Hoping, and hating
Things that I can't bear

Did you think it's cool to walk right up
To take my life and fuck it up
Well did you
Well did you

I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by suprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside

Walking, waiting
Alone without a care
Hoping, and hating
Things that I can't bear

Did you think its cool to walk right up
To take my life and fuck it up
Well did you
I hate you

I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by suprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside

I've slept so long without you
It's tearing me apart, too
How to get this far
Playing games with this old heart

I've killed a million petty souls
But I couldn't kill you
I've slept so long without you

I see Hell in your eyes
Taken in by suprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside

I see Hell in your eyes
Taken in by suprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside
(repeat to fade)

You fell away
What more can I say
The feelings evolved
I won't let it out
I can't replace
Your screaming face
Feeling the sickness inside

Why won't you die?
Your Blood in mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine

So many words
Can't describe my face
This feelings evolved
So soon to break out
I can't relate
To a happy state
Feeling the blood running side

Why won't you die?
Your Blood in mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine

Why is everything so fuckin hard for me
Keep me down to what you think I should be
Must you tell me and provoke the ministry
Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily

Why is everything so fuckin hard for me
Why is everything so fuckin hard for me

Why won't you die?
Your Blood in mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine

Why won't you die?
Your Blood in mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine


Oi, I feel shitty, fucking boyfriend and I jus had screaming fight on phone, lossa fun. Oi, I am ridiculous, I need to find something to do other than pine away in a dark room blogging and listening to depressing ass music. Actually, with what I am doing now, why do I have to? I can chill the fuck out for once I think. However I feel like a lazy motherfucker, shite. What am I gonna dooooo? I don't know shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit sht shit


Fuck


Lossa Love

V

Birthday Party Sad

Well I am at my friend of twelve years birthday bash. Jus some relatives and her bf. It is cool. I feel very empty and lonely though.
Just got off the phone with Rick and of course we fought. When don't we fight is the real question. Ooooh well. He is mad because I can't decide if I want to spend the night or go home later. Like he says hes pissed off because Im indecisive. What the motherfucking fuck? How are you angry with someone for something like that? I can understand if it was to a degree where it was fucking things up or something but this is little shit man, i mean come on. I'm jus super frustrated and don't have anyone I feel as though I could really talk to at this point. I mean I jus feel like there isnt anyone I can truly talk to. Jus totally lay shit out without worrying about what theyll think or say. Not to mention I jus dont want to talk about this stuff most of the time. I wish it would jus go away but it wont. Ever.