Liking Blue October Song

Well I sit and think contemplating getting T.J's laptop if I still can. I think it would be worth it to have a little laptop I can take to and fro. Like this is nice(my desktop) but can't take it outside when I want to go smoke a cigarette.

Well I am planning on saying fuck you to my bastard relatives. For some reason I get a feeling of some animosity from my aunt Heather, and I feel uneasy about her. Her smile seems placed and not true, at least not when holding a conversation with me. I do not know. I am sure when she and my fucking grandmother get together they have some Hella nice conversations about me. My grandmother, the one who came with me to my therapy appointment and asked the therapist in front of me saying "Well I know Valerie does a lot of drugs and what not so couldn't she of just made all this up?" this was a therapy appointment about my molestation issue. WHAT THE FUCK?! How do you just say that fucking shit? Not looking at me, speaking as though I am not even there. I can't understand this shit.

I don't know if I talked about this already but I can't forget it. It angers me every time I think about her or my relatives. Uncles and aunt. How they are exclusive from us. How my grandmother wouldn't get my sister anything or acknowledge my mix nephews presence. I just do not get it. Fucking cruel old bitch. I plan on one day when I have my own transportation to meet her and tell her how I feel and why and inform her tha I do not need her fucking help and will never want it. I will not acknowledge her as she did not acknowledge my mum as one of her children. You fucking bitch! Your own fucking daughter! How can I be related to this person? SHIT!