What are you talking about?

Well I feel a little off right now. I'm sitting here with a muscle relaxer or two in my system. Needing to go to bed because I have to job hunt tomorrow. I feel tired and stressed. I hate job hunting and don't even have an Adavan to take! Darnit. It would help me so. Hopefully I can jus knock out, drink some coffee in the morning and get okay and not so stressed. Hopefully I won't feel sick and queasy like I have been. I feel pressured to talk and all I want to do is sit in my mind and think up "fantasies", things that will never happen maybe how my life could be in different scenarios and things I probably shouldn't dwell on. However I always go back to my imaginary life in there. My Memory Palace. The place is as black and deep as space and I can dwell to horrible memories tha shame me or make me need to cry or to hurt myself bite my life or beat myself or turn up the music so loud I can't think. Tha is what I do most of the time when I get deeply unpleasant thoughts. I turn up that fucking music but sometimes it isn't loud enough and those times are hard. I need to find a way to get brought out of these pits. I know I sound emo but this IS my blog and where I can bitch and rant so fuck all ya'll tha think I'm being a bitch. See how paranoid I am? Damn, I need to fucking relax. I've taken a muscle relaxer and yet my muscles are tense and stressed and I want to lie down and feel warmth and no talking jus laying and being held and being cared after. Shit

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