Feeling Randy!

So I am obviously a horny ho! Don't know how long it's been @_@ too long is all I know...

Newho! Took two codeine for what ails me, my damn wisdom tooth! I hate the dentist because they scrutinize my ability to take care of me teeth. As long as I have not lost any yet, I'm good(I've lost one tooth btw).

So I actually(prepare to gasp) watched Highschool Musical Three with my niece Kaylie. It was durable, luckily there were very few spouts of humor for me to giggle at, and it was quite sparkly. Kaylie was dancing and acting crazy cute so it was reasonably fun. Though she did keep trying to get me to dance with her.

Well I will be working with a new hostess today. I will be training her of course, and I am trying to figure out how not to be overwhelming and not too informative. I'm not that great of a teacher and I remember how when I first got there I had a bit of trouble, mostly with the customers of course. I just hope she stays and does not quit after the first day ^-^

Here is a very small portion of what I'm writing, it is the beginning of the story, and I think I will revise it some more when I can think of better words and sweeter, smaller details.

Tallis Battles
The beginning of the Battles
Part One

E-Mana was a desolate planet. It was lush with life, but no creatures roamed the vast lands. It was quiet and beautiful.

However the God Natrul Sine found this planet to his liking, and the deity decided to bless this planet with his children. He gathered stardust and molded four beings. Natrul laid them on the soft earth and laid a finger on each forehead. All silver eyes opened and focused on Natrul.

"You will be my people, and you will be the Sanseins. You will be great warriors to protect this planet from others who try to dirty it with their sinful ways. Become strong, and live by my laws, if this is done, rewards will be reaped."

The four beings, who were two females and two males, nodded silently and went to their knees before the God, commencing the first prayer.
~END

Watching Meet the Robisons. Loves this movie ^.^. I love Goob :D.

Well I must take a bath and relax before work, also I've got to catch up with my Bioshock :D I love this game so hard!!

Love you Lovelys
Imp San

Difficulty in Writing

I have no idea how people manage to write whole frikkin' books!

I have written a total of ten not very long paragraphs and feel crazed! I keep revising and adding, hoping to make it an addictive read. I know this will not be my best, but I hope to make it something that someone will enjoy. I'd love to be able to write professionally, I've always been quite creative, and I think that may be where my true calling lies.

So about to eat Easy Max TRIPLE CHEESE BITCHES! And going to watch Pagemaster because I am the hugest dork you will ever find :P

Speaking of which I need to find some good Sega Genesis games to download! Been pimpin' that Yoshi but I want a different system and some more gaaaames! I love old systems :D

So newho....my frikkin tooth is killin' me lately. A corner of the tooth has emerged and it's been forever and nothing else has shown. Think I must go dentisting. I hate going because they always get angry at me for not getting any better on the tooth front. Oh shwell!

Well I am off to play Yoshi and shizzal. Talk to you lovely bitches later

Loves
Imp C

I Don't Care

Apocalyptica fuckin' rocks!

'bout to get some Trust Co. on my PSP.

Ugh, I'm organizing my music folder and there is sooo much shit not in labeled folders! Gah!

Listening to Easy Come Easy Go from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. Lovely tune. I must learn to play the piano!

So I am enjoying twitter as impychaos.

Dude, I made awesome steak today. Talk about orgasm in your mouth!(the good kind, not the sour milk type :P)

Newho!

Tired, stoned, want another cigarette but I shan't kill myself any quicker then is already being done.

Shall brush my teeth instead!

How would you like it if someone came up to you and informed you that when they were young their mother would give them an enema with Dr Pepper and then make them drink it?

Did that make you throw up a bit?

Yeah, me too.

Go to www.cracked.com and enjoy the hilarity that is cracked!

Loves
Imps sum

Girlfriend Tales

My compassion is broken now
my will is eroded now
desire is broken now
it makes me feel alive
im on my knees and burnin'
my piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
so smell my soul burn
im broken lookin' up to see the enemy
and i have swallowed the poison you feed me
but i survive on the poison you feed me
guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
and it makes me feel ugly
on my knees and burnin'
my piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
im dead inside

shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up at the bottom

if i let you, you would make me destroy myself
in order to survive you, i must first survive myself
i can sink no further, and i cannot forgive you
there's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you
ive gone to great lenghts to expand my threshold of pain
i will use my mistakes against you, there's no other choice
im shameless now, im nameless now, im nothing now, im no one now
but my soul must be iron 'cause my fear is naked
im naked and fearless
and my fear is naked

dead inside, dead inside, dead inside
nameless now, shameless now, nothing now, no one now
shit adds up (x4)
and you see me naked now
fearless now, naked now (x2)
shit adds up
it leaves me dead inside (x4)

hatred keeps me alive
angriness keeps me alive
weakness keeps me alive
guilt keeps me alive
at the bottom

So I awoke this morning at 11 o'clock. Of course, I was SUPPOSE to be awoken at 10 but whatever...my Dad is going to drop me and my Mum off at the Mall and we're going to use her boyfriends car to pick up my check/cash it/get groceries I need.

So this is crazy! My Mum and her b/f have been together for like a year or two. They had also been with one another five or ten years ago but he ended up moving. WEEEELL! Both of them were married, though separated. My mums been separated for ten years or so, he has been sleeping in his closet in their bedroom. Also, whenever him and his lady would engage in certain AKTS she would berate him with "is that all you got?" What a ho =O

So basically last night he told his lady and kids that he has a girlfriend!!! >.< I feel extremely trashy now...lol whatever. Reality is a bit more obscene :P

So that's a bit crazy, that's what I woke up to! Being told that stuff...wtf?

Angel with the Scabbed Wings - Marilyn Manson

Been listening to old Marilyn Manson and mostly old but some new Tool. Also listening the Bloodhound Gang but I don't know if the album is old or not. Has Three Point One Four, Take a Right Turn Clyde, Long Way Home, on it so whatever that tells you....

There are thoughts born to keep you awake at night. So just when you drift off, they poke the shit out of you and force awareness down your fucking throat. I am the home of all thoughts like this. It isn't as fun as it sounds(surprisingly, I know). Well I don't know where I was going with that!
~Imp C

Where could he be?

I went to the apartments and Rick was nowhere to be found. I am sure he wasn't sleeping, unless he was completely and utterly wasted, which is a possibility but I have a strong feeling this is not the case. I have other deep feelings that something very wrong is going on, or has. I feel as though I need to leave him. My paranoia is really taking hold. It's never been so strong before, I used to not really have a trust issue with him but not my mind won't stop and I want to rip my fucking brain out and I want to cry and I want to be held and I need love and I need him and I don't know what to do anymore.

Don't be alarmed. Tomorrow I will buy some knives. The good thing about cutting is that it can be hidden from all, in fact I probably won't write about this again because I don't want to hear shit from anyone thinking I'm looking for attention. This is my fucking blog so I am going to state what I want.

Newho, the thing about cutting is that if your mind is driving you nuts, as mine often does, you can cut and your endorphins are released and you can calm down again. I believe this will be a time of abusing my stomach or legs, probably stomach, I don't want anyone seeing what I do to myself. I've got so many scars, I won't mind more, not for my own safety at least.

I truly despise this bipolar disease which makes everything horrible and wicked and so damn depressing. Sometimes I wish for blissful ignorance to fall on me but then realize I would lose the very few meaningful connections I have.

I cannot look at a family members face without reliving my own silent nightmare of molestation. Because knowing what's gone on leads to an open door of horrible thoughts that I cannot stop. Thoughts that literally make me grab or shake my head, make me look away from the person. I feel like some horrible freak who should be taken away from my family and children, for fear that I should damage them more than I have. I know I am a bastard, such a fucking bastard. I've destroyed so much and created so little. I can truly say I have three connections, one being Rick, one being someone I've never even met, and the other is one who probably considers me just a friend, not a good one, but a friend.

I want a cigarette and the fattest joint ever made. I will get these items tomorrow and I will smoke like I've never smoked before. Now I am going to write my story for a bit, add in details, maybe if I deam it good enough I'll post a bit for you.

Love Loves
VAK

Wondering.....

Should I have given Rick a chance to say something? He came over and all I said was "What?". I was pissed of course because he did act dickish, but I wonder if he was going to apologize or something. Makes me wonder....and of course I want to go over there. I don't think I will, the main think I'm worried about though is getting up in the morning to go and get my check. I think I may go by there and see if I can borrow his phone to use as an alarm, see what happens from there. See what his fuckin ass is up to. I've gotten as paranoid as he now. I wonder if things he has told me have been lies, if he is covering for something. I am becoming more and more positive that it is. I don't know what to think anymore. Occasionally I wish there WAS another here for me just so I could end it. Then there are the times when he's holding me and kissing me and nothing could feel more right than that. He holds my heart but likes to throw it against the wall, or so it seems. I don't know. I am a bit confused now....>.<
Love you Loves, keep me in your thoughts
Imp C

Writing Stories and Feeling Positive

So I have been writing something I'm calling Tallis Battles. About two races, the Biocly versus the Sansei. What ends up happening is that both races get their own top male and female warriors, the warriors breed and the single offspring of both races will be destined to battle until one wins, thus ending the war and putting whatever race loses under the other. I haven't got all the details worked out but it's a nice side project I feel commited to.

I have been feeling a bit better about certain things! I am drawing more, and using pencil, thus improving my drawing technique. I am obviously writing a bit more. I am still depressed as always but that will always be there and I will have to work through it.

The thing I do not like is certain thoughts and images my mind produces for me to watch like a film. I'll be sitting in the car and have an image of my opening the door or falling out. Or if I have the window rolled down I'll imagine my glasses flying off my face and being crushed. Overall stressful things. The thing is, I don't consciously think these things. I like being driven around(I have no license) I enjoy watching out the window and normally am thinking something else entirely when these thoughts arise. I also have more disturbing thoughts that pop up which are related to an incident when I was molested. It feels weird "saying" that, getting it out....it's weird how a word like that can make you feel so fucking dirty. Oh well, past is past and dead is dead, right?

Love you my Loves!
Imp

So Sad :'(

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/960931196.html

So I am just frustrated in general. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't remember the last time I was this upset with Rick. Fucking fucker. Gah, I don't know what to dooooo!

I'm Baaack :P

Yeah fuck everything, like always.

I am a bit pissy, what a fuckin surprise.

Rick was horrid last night. Letting me know how much of a bother I'd been, and how I was annoying him and acting childish by talking to him. He was so fucking cruel. And yet he seemed surprised when he showed up and I asked what instead of a hello or anything. I don't even want to look at that motherfucker. He knows how much I love him and how depressed I was but he's so stuck in his own depression all he could do was be so fucking hateful. Fuck him. FUCK THAT SHIT.

My fear begins to fade, recalling all of the times, because I have died, I will die, it's alright, I don't mind ~ Tool H.

I want to download Eleven by Tool but I can't find it anywhere. I was also playing a SNES rom called E.V.O Search for Eden and I am stuck at this fuckin bee boss. Fucker!

Basically I am unhappy. It's a shame because Rick and I had been getting along quite well, then all this shit goes down and it's all fucked. I walked home from there in the freezing cold because I'd bother him even if I just slept on his couch(despite the fact that, for whatever reason, he was sleeping in his closet instead of his bed). What the fuck? Seriously...I am so confused, I don't want to touch him, I want him to fucking beg for forgiveness before he thinks of touching me. I swear to this, men are despicable pigs.

Unfortunately I like the feeling of dick so I could never go gay :/ or even bi for that matter, I find some chicks attractive but I find no pleasure in the idea of being with one, let alone actually doing so.

Why are the vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast majority of men so disgusting? :/

Love you all
Vezerie