fuck

i wish very badly that i could have some kind of connection with my tj. i wish he could see me as an adult instead of a stupid child. i feel that if he allow himself to talk to me he might not view as such a fuckin nuisance. i hate this, i feel so fucking alone and to him i am simply a bother. fuck

smoking

so as the title states im outside feeling the annoying humidity that comes with living in texas. im with my jobless baby whom i love despite this frustrating fact. i just wish he had a want to better himself. if not for him than me atleast. but what can one do about such things except sit and try to coax them into that wanting state. i love him so, i simply wish to be at a point when we wont have to worry about things as trivial as currency.

lost boys

so im watching lostboys for the first time ever! is alright i spose. oi, i got paid today, a measly 60 bucks. between the thirty for my pets and twenty five for weed gah.......i guess i could afford to lose the habits. well i am feeling considerably better....being bi polar comes with these fuckin mood swings. i hate it!

i have to pee and im irritated

so im outside smoking a ciggarette and i see this bitch cheyenne playing basketball with another one of her man whores. hiding the ball behind her ass so he could grind up against her. im like "real fuckin nice man" egh. if you havent figured it out she fucked my bf after id been there for her. people are fuckin liars and just AH! i wanna fuckin kill something. blah im gonna bitch.

college blues

so since ive barely been to highschool where they prep you for college im freaked out about to go in and having to grasp things quickly in order to be up to speed. i just hope ill be able to get the grades i need to get accepted into the utmb. god i feel so lonely and scared. how am i gonna do this? ive never been able to commit to much, god help me. the prospect of college is frightening.

so my very first post didnt save so here it is

im seventeen and i am a hostess. i have five cats, four hamsters, one rabbit. i keep all of these in my room along with me and my boyfriend. i have three brothers, two sisters, and my parents whom both live here although they are seperated. my oldest brother is studying to be an accountant so when we almost lost the house my brother started using my dads checks to make sure everything gets paid on time. so now im studying to get my ged. i then intend on going to college and eventually med school.

my thoughts continued

work hard, do something important and earn your money. dont go to fucking daddy or mommy. earn your keep and learn how life really goes. im tired of this sheltered bullshit that every lil bitch and bastard are under. why don`t people strive to be original, different from the norm? since when has it been a good thing to fall in line with all the other sheep?

my thoughts

well ive seen alot of fucked up things since ive been around. ive come to that although ive done many things that i do regret i am glad i got all that stupid teen shit out of the way. now i am truly aware of whats really important and what deserves attention and whats really shit. i wish people would stop worrying about all stupid popularity contest. that people focus on improving themselves and trying to help those around them when capable. why do people squander over useless objects? if you want materia-

what i do(i can only post so much because im on a psp)

so i live in tejas and work at mi luna restaurant and tapas bar and grille. i smoke weed in my spare time.that and the occasional ciggarette are my only vice. as opposed to back when i used to pop pills till i would overdosed. so im doing reasonably better now in days. oh well more to say but im about to run out of room.