I am Here

I am tired but have new pics of me and me and Rick and me and Shawna. I will attempt to write some crappy poetry.

I can feel him looking at me and I want to vomit.
I can feel his weight near me and I twitch.
I have memories rush on me like a curse
I feel the breath
Oh God it couldn't be worse
As he leans closer to get a look
I want to fuckin hit him
I make this clear

I Gave you Blood.

So I jus read this entry on MDD and this girl talks about how she met a guy at a club. She got horny and called him and went to his house and fucked after getting drunk'd. Like, honestly that is fucking slutty. I wasn't going to say that but just as slutty as it is dangerous! I mean do people not realize this is how psycho pick up chicks? Shit, people are not careful enough now in days, faaar to careless.

I jus want to help people. I don't know if I can though. I dunno. I wanna do something good and full of meaning. A Doctor? A Author? I don't know! I want to do something wonderful. I am pretty sure I want to become an EMT when I get my GED and do my SAT's, I jus hope I can complete the course with good grades and get preliminaries done, I'm sure I will have to take some sort of classes before I can take the course. Oooh I am so excited thinking about it! YAY!

Lots of Love from Me!

Vezzy

I think I am to mean sometimes...

Like Rick was jus trying to read me something he found humorous and I jus acted like a jackass. I get offended and don't laugh and he is jus trying to make me do so. I don't think he means to piss me off, however I know there are times when he does it on purpose. I dunno. I jus wanna be nice and have him be nice, but normally when I wanna be sweet he does not. Or if he wants to be nice I am in a bitchy mood. It always happens like this. I love him and wanna be with him and be happy with him. Now though I jus dunno how we can ever work out. He is jealous and untrusting to me, he has told me he will never trust me. I am jus really jealous, I trust him not to do anything, but I don't like him thinking about chicks or lingering eyes he has. It angers me damnit. I think if he would fucking do things like complimenting me and noticing me and not being so stray like I wouldn't mind so much. However he is not the type to compliment and it isn't easy to get him to do so. I jus wanna feel cared for, loved, wanted, needed, like how I need him, and want him, and care for him. I don't think he really sees me so. I feel so shitty.

I want you to see me
I want you to know me
Acknowledge me please God jus tell me you love me
Stroke my face and tell me sweet things
Hug me gently and try not to break me
Shh quiet your voice no yelling here
Please jus be calm please jus be near
I want to hold you and for you to hold back
I don't want to worry that when you leave you'll never come back
I want to be with you and stay with you sleep with you and rest forever
But I don't think you do
I think you look at me with some animosity
You wonder where I've been
Where I have crawled to and through
When I tell the truth
You take if for shit
I sit here thinking I am horrible and self absorbed
As you sit claiming death is upon you
I want to rest
Alone
Without You.

Impy

They Say it's All About to End

There's a prison that's gone but the fear lives on, I watch you walking on the dotted line! Maybe you don't say what's infront of me, maybe you won't stand the test of time! For we live in sin for we will win, I watched the president kiss his family, for we live in sin for we will win, I watched the president fuck scociety!
They Say~SCARS ON BROADWAY, BITCHES!

So in order to get over Rick reading celeb magazines and staring at Anna Faris' ass, I am jus gonna occupy myself and ignore him when he reads things he finds funny which aren't funny to meee. I am simply annoyed with all this "I'm reading the articles heheh" bullshit, like he told me when he had a porno, what bullshit is that?! Yeah a porn, to read the articles, cause I am such a dumbass I'll believe THAT shit. FUCK THAT! So annoyed.

Well I am about to go smoke and then get dressed for work, eat try not to have a flippin panic attack like the small one I had yesterday. Okay Imma make a list of what I will do when I get to work!

1. Check reservations from res. book and copy onto paper.
2. Call reservations and confirm, or leave messages.
3. Get windex and rag and clean the menus and tidy up hostess area.
4. Check tables and be polite!

I am annoyed because whenever me or the other hostess come in the waiters and such always have trash around and shit jus fucked up in general. It is very annoying because then the manager gets mad at me and I always clean before I leave! Darnit! If he says anything today Imma tell him Im gonna clean before I leave but I want him to check it so he can't bitch at me. Blah, well Imma smoke

Lots of Love
Impy

Blahda Whahda? Interesting Title....

So I sit here while Rick sits at my computer listening to Mudvayne and getting a myspace.com Super weird since he has never cared about tha type of shit. I am not gonna add him cause I don't want him getting pissed because I have like eight guys on my friends. I don't wanna deal with him getting pissy. I will jus check out his crap and make sure he doesn't befriend any scandily clad females. I get angry thinking about it but I can't judge, after all I look at porn, but if I could get off every time we had sex I wouldn't be doing that :P Sorry to saaaay...

Well he is over there holding his head and banging his hand and looking pitiful so Imma try to get me baby to lay down with me, I do love him, I must say.

Lots of Love
Impy

So I am Here

I am here yes I am! I kept thinking of shitty things like porno and sickness. My throat is killing me. I am trying to not get to angry or tense even though I feel remarkably stressed out at the moment. I want Rick to be here. For us to both be in good moods. For us to watch a movie and sit together and talk and kiss and just be happy. For everything to go well. I don't know....I just don't wanna feel stressed and anxious for once.

Well I have been playing Pokemon Blue on Gameboy Advance VisualBoy Advanced emulator. Lots of fun! Got a Charmander, Pidgy, Nidoran Male, Rattata, and a Spearow. All at level eight except Pidgy and Rattata. It feels so hot in this frikkin room! Blah!

My head hurts, I wanna go to the gas station but I don't wanna walk.

I wanna tell Rick I wanna spend more time with him but not sound whiny. Whenever he is out he never wants to come home and takes forever. However I do trust him and do not think he is up to any no good, there is no reasonable evidence to prove this.

Well I am gonna change my profile pic and my main pic so adios!

Lots of Love

Impy

Whoopity Fuckin Doo

So I sit here in the early afternoon wanting to go to the Library. I love to read. I just got done reading this book by Amy Tan called The Hundred Secret Senses. Super cool, I want another book now!

So anywho, I really want to see the Art Museum, I haven't in so long...eh...I dunno.

I feel displaced and not quite here. I dunno.....

Advertising causes Therapy

Well I had an interesting day at work. All went well until I was off my shift. I was sitting outside using the cordless phone trying to get a ride and I heard someone trying to call on the other line, thinking it was someone I jus called I answered HEllo.
Is this the hostess?
Yes.
This is David, you don't answer the phone Hello you say thanks for calling Mi Luna ect,.
Yeah well I am off the clock trying to reach a ride
WEll you say that anyway not just hello is cooper there?
no
okay bye
hang up on that bastard

yes, I should have answered properly. However this man is a true bastard who is disrespectful and rude to me whenever he is given the chance. Unfortuanetly he is a head boss, lucky for me he no longer works at the location I do. I sat there thinking, the one time I don't answer right is the time he calls! Damn!

I of course had a guy that treated me like a child,had a run in with a former employee who i kinda crushed on. He was drinking which is surprising because I thought he was on probation...
But oh well!

Trying to stay positive and happy and not bitchy. Waiting for Rick to get here with ciggs and pot. Really wanna smoke >.<

Well that's all I got fer now. LOTS OF LOVE

Impy

Hello Again, My Friends

Well I still haven't gotten my interet wifi dealie. Should be Monday I guess, luckily I have brothers laptop to use until then. However this laptop is very annnoying to type on so I do not feel like saying very much.

I am outside smoking weed, waiting for Rick. I got on my period the day I had to go to work. It was so horrible until the codeine my Mom brought up there started working. After I took the second one an hour later I was fine. Unfortuanetly I have to go to work tomorrow to, which I do not look forward to. Fucking mosquitoes are biting like crazi! I need to take a bath. Blah. I also need to change me cats litter. Speaking of which, I really want a Sims game >.<.

I have started writing stories again, which makes me excited. Also I try to write poems but there are only certain times when I can be unique. Maybe I will post them here. I dunno....

So as soon as I get my computer back I will post a new piccie if anyone is interested. I really want my cigarette! However I must take bath before Rick gets here!

OH YEAH! I need to make Rick apologize for acting like a huge butthole earlier. It was ridiculous. I think I need to take another codeine. Well I am glad to be back here.

Lots of love!

IMPY